Friday, September 7, 2012

Much ado about a Pancake

Rhea transitioned over to a toddler room at daycare this week.  She did fine.  I knew she would.  I on the other hand didn't fare so well.  On Wednesday I was informed she ate a pancake for breakfast.  What?  A pancake?  What happened to yogurt and Cheerios?  Apparently there was a miss communication regarding what Rhea eats.  But she ate the pancake and seemed to enjoy it.  So why was I so upset about a pancake?  To be honest, I wasn't really upset about the pancake.  I had been trying for weeks to get Rhea to eat anything but pureed food which has been an epic fail.  What I found myself upset about was the loss of control.  You see, I want to control what she eats and what she doesn't eat.  I want to share those "first" food moments with her.  Ever since I went back to work a part of me feels like I am just here for the ride and that she no longer belongs to me at all.  I know that is silly and not true but it feels that way sometimes.  I had this fantasy while I was pregnant about being home and raising my family.  The reality is so far from those blissful daydreams.  My thoughts are with her all day but I feel her slipping away from me more and more each day.  It makes me upset just thinking about it.  My boss told me these feelings and emotions are normal.  It's called being a parent.  Parents get upset over things like pancakes.  I guess she is right.  But it still makes me wonder if I over reacted.  I mean I have heard of crying over spilled milk.  But pancakes?  

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